The Unmerits of Giving Alcohol to Minors
by Chibi Zia
Summary: The story of the time Boris, aka Bryan tried to get Kai to drink, Yuriy refused, and Kai ... well, Kai doesn't actually want to drink, but who listens to him? Neoborg team short ficlet, or why Boris's life sucks.


"Here you go," Boris says, a wide grin in place, and puts a mug -- not a glass, a _mug_ -- of vodka in front of Kai.

Kai stares at the mug blankly for almost an entire minute before he looks up at Boris with this _look_ on his face, an odd mix of exasperation, curiosity and suspicion, but Boris only grins some more until the mug is swiped by Yuriy.

"For the last time," Yuriy snarls, "You're not giving Kai alcohol."

Boris makes a face as Yuriy punctuates his sentence by downing Kai's-would've-been vodka in one big swig, as if it was water. Yuriy's genetic enhancement is sometimes useful that way. Kai rolls his eyes a little but doesn't get up and walk out of the room, which is probably only because Yuriy didn't say this while putting a hand on Kai's shoulder this time.

"Why not?" Boris questions him when Yuriy finishes drinking.

Yuriy stares at him like he's a little stupid. "He's _fourteen_, Kuznetsov," he tells him slowly, as if Boris is a particularly stubborn four-year-old. Kai twitches a little but continues to act as if they are not talking about him like he's not in the room and capable of taking his own decisions.

Boris isn't deterred, however. "So he can boss us around, but he can't drink? How's that for fair?" Boris objects, gesturing at Kai angrily.

Yuriy stays level-headed and just stares at him, almost boredly. "He can boss you around because he's a better blader than you. Simple as that."

Boris winces and wants to object, but it's true, and that -- well, that _sucks_. Yuriy didn't have to be so blunt about it, geesh. He thinks he sees a small smirk on Kai's face, but it's gone when he tries to look properly, and if Kai wants to smirk because he's the best blader on this team -- even Yuriy isn't a match for him, which, again, _sucks_, damn it -- well, well. He can be proud in his stupid chair and not have alcohol. So there.

"Okay, fine. So you're only objection is that he's minor?" Boris asks, arms crossed over his chest. Yuriy is staring back at him in his captain pose, hands on hips, and Boris knows he has to get to his point quickly before he's forced to do something stupid like clean the entire bathroom with Falborg. Which is impossible. That's why it's stupid. "Well, o captain my captain, so're you! You're sixteen."

Boris crowns this triumphantly, arms crossed over his chest. Yuriy continues to stare at him like he's a little stupid, and-- even though they've known each other forever and have been teammates, no, _friends_ for even longer, Yuriy still has this ... _ability _to both unnerve him and make him feel stupid and insignificant. Which is why he's captain. Damn it.

"Maybe, but _I'm_ captain," Yuriy answers with a smug voice, "And I deserve something for dealing with the lot of you on a daily basis."

And really, Boris wants to object to that, but he kind of agrees. Which is why he only frowns and sulks and looks away. It's not because he can't think of a comeback or anything. Really. It's when he looks away that he notices that Kai's chair is now empty.

"... Where did he go?" Boris asks, looking at Yuriy for an answer. His captain doesn't have one, however, seeing as he looks just as surprised as he feels. That is, until he just puts a palm to his face and starts massaging his temple.

"Stupid rebellious teenagers," Yuriy mutters aggravatingly, and Boris decides not to mention that Yuriy is also a stupid rebellious teenager.

Kai's just better at sulking away silently than he is.

-----------------------

"So, I'm guessing Boris and Yuriy still haven't realized if you wanted to drink, you'd have done so already, _without_ either of them knowing?" Sergei asks Kai as the boy stalks past him. Kai only stops to snort in answer and Sergei smirks a little.

"I'm going to train," Kai tells him, and leaves.

Sergei shakes his head. Yuriy worries, and Boris is, well, _Boris_, but Sergei knows that Kai is more stubborn than any of them put together.

The boy just doesn't _want_ a drink.

-------------------------

"Kuznestov."

"... Why're you looking at me like that?"

"You're on cleaning duty. For the next week."

"W-what? Hey! No way! Yuriy! Come back here! Ivanov, you jerk, that's abusing your power!"

"Like I care."

"... I hate Kai."

* * *

Second in the series of headcanon ficlets! This happens before the kittens one, proving they are in no logical order and just done whenever I feel like it. This one is shorter by, like, a lot, mostly because Neoborg's most talkative member is_ Yuriy_, and he gets straight to the point generally. In the japanese version of G-Rev, Kai is fourteen. This causes me both terrible amusement and terrible pain, mostly because he is twelve in season 1. Steroids much, Kai? Ah, well. Of course, Kai is a fourteen year old that bosses around both Sergei and Boris, who are both eighteen, or so say a few websites here and there. Yuriy varies between 14 to 17 himself in said websites, and so I put him at sixteen because that would make him fourteen in season 1. As our favourite Russian team is Really Really Tall in season 3 (Seriously, Kai is at least a head shorter than Yuriy, who's the shortest of those three), I feel it's fair to believe they're all older than Kai. Finally, this fic was done because of all the fics were Kai is either OMGSOOLD (because he needs to be older to be cool, though I think Kai would not... well, care) or the russians are all off to binge on alcohol forever, which may or may not be a stereotype. Not that it matters, as I kept it for this fic. Ivan is missing because this is placed during G-Rev, in which he was, well, missing.

Yuriy seems to have an overprotective streak for Kai in a way that is really funny in the Japanese version especially. In the scene where he stops him, Yuriy actually notices the wounds and scars on his arms and asks him how did he get those. ... Kai, of course, still wrenches his arm back and walks away, but it looks more like a STOP MOTHERING ME that way... Ah, Yuriy.

This will probably be the only Neoborg centric fic I do. I just like the G-Revolution better, I guess. Though Yuriy will probably pop in from time to time, if only because Daichi reacts to his existance with capslock, and how can I resist that?

Coming up next: The G-Revolution get "The Talk". Numerously. Fail ensues.

- Zia


End file.
